When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
as a side note pls kill me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
