Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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