Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize