nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
