I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He did a backflip because drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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