I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
