i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
