so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
