I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
