super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
