Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
