At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
