if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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