You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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