FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
