After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
