Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
