It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
