I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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