cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
