Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
