Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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