I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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