I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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