Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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