Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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