We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
