i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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