so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
