I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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