I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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