Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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