There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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