fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
