There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
