Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
