You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
