She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize