AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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