I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
