it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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