He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
