it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
