I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
