wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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