Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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