YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
