zippers are such a cool invention
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
