it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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