am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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