True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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