omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
