i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
