I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
