fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
BRING THE BAGELS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
