I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was confusing and full of hummus
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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