so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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