We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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