I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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