I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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