I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
