I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
