i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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