The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
