You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
