So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
