Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
