It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
