Already got asked if we're dating
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
