My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He better not be in your backpack
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
