wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
