yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
