i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
