Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
